Silent. Listen.
What do these two words have in common?
It’s pretty obvious to most people that doing the first allows us to do the second.
Being silent allows us to listen.
Sounds simple enough.
But IS it simple?
Listening certainly involves being silent, but there are other important aspects of listening, as well. Let’s consider four qualities of effective listening, each important but for different reasons.
FOUR QUALITIES OF EFFECTIVE LISTENING
- Listening to “nothing”. It is rarely ever 100% silent in our world. When you pay attention to the sounds around you, you will hear things you didn’t notice before you focused on your hearing. You are also likely to notice the thoughts going on in your mind. We can be pretty noisy people inside our heads! So, spend a few minutes silencing your thoughts and getting yourself ready to listen to others. This also includes not planning what you will say in response to someone when they are talking. Planning your reply isn’t effective listening. Being silent is truly the cornerstone of listening.
- Listening to the actual message being spoken. A good way to measure whether or not you are listening to the literal message is to be able to paraphrase it back to the person. Often we get distracted, in our heads or by surrounding sights and sounds, and don’t concentrate on the speaker’s message.
- Listening to the meaning of the message, also known as active listening. Active listening requires a person to listen to what someone is saying without judgment or evaluation. Like the term suggests, active listening requires the listener to be actively involved in the conversation by asking questions, clarifying what the speaker means, and also sharing. Even if you don’t agree with the person, active listening shows you understand the other person’s point of view/perspective. Active listening often includes empathy, the ability to imagine what it would be like to be in the other person’s situation and to acknowledge how he or she may be feeling. This is often described as “walking in another person’s shoes”. Again, because it is important to remember and difficult to do, don’t forget that active listening does not necessarily mean agreeing with someone. You can disagree with someone while actively listening and empathizing with him or her. Easy? Not always. Possible? Absolutely!
- Listening to the feeling being expressed in the message. Like looking in a mirror or a still body of water where you see your reflection, reflective listening is when you listen to what someone is saying, and you reflect back with your words in a way that shows the person that you recognize how he or she is feeling. As a result, the speaker feels valued and understood. Reflecting back to a person what they are saying and how they are feeling often helps the person gain increased awareness of him/herself. Like active listening, you do not have to agree with the person or with how they are feeling. You simply let the person know that you acknowledge how he or she is feeling. Understanding does not always equal agreeing.
And finally, let’s look at our two words again.
SILENT.
LISTEN.
These two words also have something else in common.
Do you know what it is?
Need a hint? Look at the letters of the two words.
LISTEN is an anagram of SILENT; they have exactly the same letters in them but are rearranged to spell two different words.
What makes this anagram particularly interesting is the relationship between the two words. Remember the beginning of this lesson?
Being SILENT allows us to LISTEN.
CLICK HERE if you are interested in an interactive guidance lesson on the topic of Active & Reflective Listening for grades 5-8.